Should you forgive your husband of having an affair? We have been married 20 years and I don't know what to do?

I just don't know if I can forgive him and let us get on with our lives. He knows he made a mistake and wants to make it right. We only have 1 child and he supports me on whatever I do. Should you forgive your husband of having an affair? We have been married 20 years and I don't know what to do?
This is a tough one and unfortunately it happens way too much.


Do you think your husband is sincere and will never do this again?


Also it should depends on how long this has been happening. Was it a one time deal or something that's been happening for years without your knowledge? Every one makes mistakes. Put yourself in his shoes...would you want him to forgive you?


I would not rush to a decision. Take your time and consider everything.


Should you forgive your husband of having an affair? We have been married 20 years and I don't know what to do?
It probably feels like either decision you make will be the wrong one. You might need some time alone to just let your feelings settle for a few moments. You can either choose to leave the house and stay temporarily in a motel or he can. Either way, you just need a little bit of time to think through things.





It's not going to be an easy thing to forgive, but you have to ask yourself some very serious questions. I would suggest getting counseling for yourself at first, and then eventually he can join you.





To me, it would also depend on how long the affair lasted and who it was with. If it was with my friend or family member, that would be completely unforgivable. With some random stranger would be the most forgivable...it all just depends on the situation. No matter who or for how long, it's not going to be easy--but if it's something you think you can eventually work through, then give him the chance to make things up to you as best you can.





Good luck!!!
I think you need to sit down and be brutally honest with yourself. Do a list of all the positive things for the future and all the negative things for the future and whatever list has the biggest input is the one you should follow. Make sure you cover everything like finances, feelings, kids etc and take your time. Do not rush into anything because you are probably full of mixed emotions at the moment and it won't hurt your husband to sit and wait around. He knows what he has done, so that is almost punishment enough. Good luck and remember to look after yourself and your child.
You're in a very tough situation... What he did was wrong and hurtful towards you. This is something that your ultimately going to have to make a decision on. You have been married for a very long time and you have a child. A marriage is something that your suppose to try everything to make it work before walking away from it. The trust is definately gone and he will have to earn it again which won't be easy. Without trust there's nothing. Although it might be esay for people to say just leave the marriage, i also understand that there's alot in stake for you. Maybe you should take some time apart and think things through. Whatever you do be sure he learns not to ever take you for granted.





Good Luck.
Can you answer the question about how much time you two have invested in your marriage up to this point? Depends on how much you love him after all these years together and since it's been that long, your child is fairly old by now so it shouldn't impact the child that much if you two split up; even if it's only for a short time or for good, and since he's always supported you in whatever you want to do in life, you need to decide if your willing to do the same with him? If you do forgive him, you need to sit and have a long talk with him that forgiveness is not forgetting and that it will take you a long time to get past that.
You are the only one that can answer that. If you can forgive him, do it. But don't live a life where you are constantly reminding him of his mistake or one in which you are constantly worried about him being unfaithful again. Many people do forgive their mates and go on to have happy, fulfilled lives. Forgive him, if you truly can, and go on.
If you can't forgive him, then he will always feel you are punishing him and he will never get over the guilt, that's if he really feels any.





I would see a marriage counsellor. Make it very clear to your husband that you are giving him a second chance and if he ever cheats on you again, he won't get another chance, the marriage is over.





Tell him that breaking your marriage vows and cheating on you, is very painful for you and with the help of a counsellor you will try very hard to forgive him and he will have to try even harder to earn your trust again.





I have always believe that once a cheater, always a cheater, but....there are a few men out there that learn their lesson and realize they almost lost the most important woman in their life, their wife and have come to realize that no woman out there is worth losing a 20 year marriage and a good wife.





Don't forget the signs of a cheating husband and if some day you suspect he is up to no good again, then do your homework and get proof that he is cheating, then be a strong woman and keep your promise. He cheated again, so the marriage is over.





If you honestly feel you can never get over the pain of him being with another woman or you aren't really sure that he wouldn't go out and cheat on you again, then it's better to end the marriage now.





My ex cheated on me and he begged me to forgive him, give him another chance and promised me he would never do it again. So that's exactly what I did. He took this as a sign of weakness on my part and easy for him to manipulate. So ofcourse, he turned right around and cheated on me again. When I asked him, if you want to be with other women, then why didn't you just leave after the first one? Why did beg me to give him another chance and then just turn around and cheat on me again. His answer was....because I can! He figured since I was foolish enough to forgive him after the first time, I would forgive him again. He knew I was angry and going to kick him to the curb (which I did) and he laughed and said if you ever cheated on me with some guy, I would have kicked you out on the street with only the clothes on your back.





Yes my EX was a total jerk and a lot of other rotten things, but hopefully your husband is just stupid and learned his lesson.
Unfortunately I believe that if he was truly sorry and ';wants to make it right'; he would have not done it to begin with. Was it a relationship affair or a one night.? And how old is the child. I think you need to ask yourself why you would still want to be with a man who has slept with another woman. Yes you may love him, but if someone is truly in love with someone else wouold they sleep with another person other than their spouse? Likely not :( Recently a friends husband had an affair(not just a one time thing) her husband begged to come back she thought he was sincere...... but he also stood to loose alot financially, not convinced he wanted to make it work for thye right reasons...... something to think about.


Good luck and please think about counseling to work though your questions. Good luck :)
it is a very hard decision to make. BUT you are the only person that can make that decision. at one occasion i had a problem that offended my person and i did not no if i should forgive that person i wanted some body to tell me what to do. then I read a book named ';The four agreement';, made up my mind, and thought, ';i am the only person to decide if i forgive or not, i can not be mad just because someone tells me not to forgive that person.'; so i did and it feels great! I don't hate anybody that surrounds me. If don't like the way they are, i just don't visit or call them too often.
I used to always say that if someone cheated on me that would be the end no questions asked. Now that I have children and a home and all that I wonder if it were to happen if it would be worth trying to work it out.





I think that there are people who go on to have good relationships again but I would think it would take years of hard work.





For me I really believe in the whole ';once a cheater always a cheater'; saying. So I think that I would be constantly in doubt about my partner and would never be able to truly forgive. So for me I don't think I could get to a place where I could move past the cheating.





However everyone is different. I just want to say I am so, so sorry for you. I have been married for seven years and my world would be upside down if this happened to me. Not to mention I'd be totally heartbroken.





I wish you the best in whatever road you take.
it pains me to know that after 20 years he choose to hurt you by having an affair.pardon the word choose but man knows the consequences that can happen once they had an affair and it really puzzles me why they still engage themselves in it.is this the first time ?did he admit his mistakes?(it's differenrt from knowing his mistakes)did he promise never do do it again?the most important thing.if he still loves you and willing to settle your differences to make your love more stronger.if the answer is yes and he is sincere in his action.you have to give him a chance to prove himself.if you choose to give him a chance please don't linger on the subject anymore.
much depends on you,


if you feel with counseling you can in time forgive , then go ahead, but GET THE COUNSELING .


the other matter is , is he TRULY sorry or just sorry he got caught.


I counsel 10 or more couples a week on this, trust will take time and effort. Both of you must put effort into the counseling, but it still will take time.


Only you know your heart and what you want or are willing to loose.


try the counseling before deciding.
I would not be able to forgive him! You both made a vow when you got married and he broke that vow! To picture my husband having sex with another woman makes me sick! I can't even imagine how hard this is for you! I would make him go to marriage counsling! You know your husband better then anyone would he do it again? How long did it last for? Was it a one night stand? Or did it go on for a while? It would take a LONG time to forgive him if I ever could?!?!?


Good luck sweetie! I'm SO sorry this happened to you both!
There is no way we can answer this for you. You can forgive him today and then years later decide that the affair simply did too much damage. Listen to your intuition, take your time, and choose wisely, remembering we only have one life to live and you deserve to be happy and respected.
Well since you don't know what to do I suggest first trying out marriage counseling and see where that gets you. If it doesn't seem to be working and you just can't seem to forgive him then you need to separate until you can work it out or if you can't then divorce.
It is so hard for any of us to tell you what you 'should' do. We are not witnessing his sorrow...his apology...as you are. You are really on your own with this one. Live one day at a time and see how you feel. Do you still enjoy his company, knowing what he has done? Are you satisfied with his explanation of why he did what he did? Has he promised never to have any contact with this woman again? Is she on his job or other place that they cannot avoid contact?





SEE, SO MANY VARIABLES, AND THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS DO YOU STILL WANT HIM IN YOUR LIFE....THEN TRY TO MAKE A GO OF IT. If you loose the picture in your mind of him with another woman, when he holds you, then you are on the road to recovery. It will require him to be cconsistent and unwavering to make you feel secure. Good Luck.
Only you can answer that question. It's hard to forget the pain and betrayal. If he has no problem giving a moment to moment guideline to his daily activities, then I would say that he is sincere in his wanting forgiveness. Trust has to be earned again.
If you love him and he really feels bad then give him 1 more chance but that is it. The only problem is you will always have it in the back of your mind of how could he of betrayed our child and I like that.
You might be able to forgive him - but honestly can you forget ? That is the hard part. Maybe if he really tries to be a loving husband, you may make it. But it will be you who does the suffering.Is he worth it ?
If you decide to give him another chance, you'll need to seek counseling. You won't be able to overcome infidelity on your own. It's just too much to handle ourselves.
Only forgive him if he understands at any time you want check up on him. Let him know you can forgive and forget. You just can't do both at the same time.Trust well be hard to come by from now on.
Read, ';why men cheat'; - its a good book


Its helped me deal with my husband having an emotional affair.